


Winchester Housestuck. Literally.

by Kitten



Category: Homestuck
Genre: ... - Freeform, AU, F/F, F/M, M/M, and then people will get mad at me, because i know nothing and i'm afraid i'll slaughter them, featuring jade harley as their guide through the house, how does one fanfic, humanstuck trolls, i'll update the relationships as they appear????, idefk, idek, it'll mostly be from karkat's pov until a certain point then it's like, multiple POVs, okay thAT IS ENOUGH TAGGING, tags how do, the winchester mystery house, there are some that'll never have a chance, uh, we're just gonna hop every fucking where
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-06
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2017-11-20 10:29:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/584415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitten/pseuds/Kitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Aww, c'mon catfish, don't be that way. Here, I'll even make it my personal mission t' make sure you have a good time, 'kay?" She gives you a large smile and stands up straight again, arm still around you. You whisper and 'oh God', which she doesn't seem to hear. There is no way in hell this is going to be any fun and you have a feeling something disastrous is going to happen before the day is over.</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Everyone goes to the Winchester Mystery House on Halloween. There is no way anything bad could happen within this group. I am being sarcastic.</p><p>Includes The Alpha Trolls As The Beta Troll's Older Siblings, Everyone Is a Human, The Actual Humans Not Being In This Fic, A Hand Full of Relationships, A Fuckton Of Lost People, A Blind Girl Putting Her Life In the Hands Of The Younger Serket And It Turning Out To Be The Mistake Of The Century Except Not Really Haha, Actually Only The Second Part Isn't True, The Older Peixes Having A Creepy (?) Crush On Her Friend's Younger Brother Which Has Nothing To Do With The Actual Fic, And A "Relationship" That Was Requested By My Sister</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We Just Want Candy, Why This

You have no idea what moron thought it was a good idea to spend an irrational amount of in a car driving to California, on Halloween, to spend less than a day wandering around an old as fuck house that some idiots think is haunted, but when you find out who suggested it, you will do unspeakable things to them. You're trying your hardest to ask, but your annoying as fuck older brother won't shut up for five seconds to let anyone else talk. You're not even sure who he's talking to at this point since it's obvious nobody is paying him any attention. You would ask one of the Maryams, but they were pulled into the trip at the last minute with only the knowledge of a group trip to a dead crazy woman's house on a fucking holiday.

You're sitting in the back seat, right behind Kankri. Kanaya's in the back as well, behind her older sister Porrim, who has her elbow propped on the car door with her hand and some messy dark brown hair covering her face. You don't blame her. Kanaya was smart enough to bring her ipod so she's sitting peacefully while you and her sister suffer. 

You groan, which Kankri apparently doesn't hear, leaning back and rolling your head to your left to stare out of the window. You're in the middle of fucking nowhere and it sucks. You would much rather be at home stuffing your face with candy like every other person in the country, adult and child alike. This car ride would be tolerable if the radio was on, but Kankri says it would distract him from driving. The first time you rode in a car with him and ask if you could turn it on, he put the worst images of crashing and dying in your head. You were only five then, and you still refuse to ask.

Both your friends and his learned not to ask the hard way, since you never mentioned it.

"Karkat, can you check my phone?"

You lift your head and glance around at everyone. You don't know when you spaced out, but hey, you couldn't hear Kankri. "What?"

Kankri looks at you through the rear-view mirror and nods towards his phone. "Check my phone, I got a text." 

You sigh and sit forward to get his annoying bright red phone, then slump back down. You turn the screen on then head to his newest text. It's his friend Rufioh, telling him that he, Tavros and the Serkets are already at the house. You can only imagine how that trip went. You stare at the text for a while before Porrim asks you what it says.

"Nitrams and Serkets are already there," You barely get the sentence out before another text is sent, informing you that the Leijons and Zahhaks are there as well. "So are the Leijons and Zahhaks."

Porrim leans her head back against the seat. "God, Kankri, why are you driving so slow? We're going to be the last people there,"

"They're probably only there because they weren't going the speed limit," Kankri argues, you and Porrim groaning the only response he gets. "Latula and those with her are going to be the next people there. I know for a fact she didn't go the speed limit since she was right in front of us when we left. Anyway, I think now would be a good time to go over the rules, since we're almost there."

Out of the corner of your eyes, you notice Kanaya giving you a sympathetic look and putting an ear bud back in. You turn to glare at her and she returns with a smile. You turn away when the phone in your hands receives another text.

I'm go+ing to+ have to+ drive us ho+me. I might murder yo+ur bro+ther when we get to+ the ho+use.

You smirk and give a little breathy laugh to let Porrim know you saw, then delete the text so Kankri won't lecture you and Porrim about it later. You set the phone down beside you and look out the window again. You barely have time to space out when there's a tap on your shoulder. You turn and Kanaya is retracting her arm. She leans towards you, so you do the same. 

"I might help her," She whispers, then sits back down. You mouth a 'me too', then resume your window-staring. You can faintly hear Kankri talking, so you start counting cars.

\- - - - - - - - - 

The four of you are the last of the group to arrive, as expected. You scan the parking lot of the theater, which is across the street from the house, your eyes stopping to rest on a group of familiar faces. From the looks of it, there are multiple arguments taking place, the most obvious of them being Eridan and Sollux. Eridan is making a show by throwing his hands into the air and you can swear you can hear him yelling even from across the parking lot. Sollux is just standing there, watching, putting in a comment every now and then which seems to be fueling Ampora's anger. Aradia is standing next to Sollux, having what seems to be a nice conversation with Tavros.

Upon further inspection, you can see Aradia's older sister, Damara, leaning against the theater, smoking. You scowl at the sight and continue letting your eyes wonder. Terezi and Vriska seem to be having a conversation, a very quiet one. They're kind of huddled together and you catch Vriska shooting a few glances at Aranea. You're slightly afraid of what the two of them might be planning. Terezi's older sister Latula is not too far away with her back to the two mischievous girls, her hand clasped firmly onto Mituna's. She and Meenah are having some sort of conversation, Cronus standing nearby looking very annoyed.

You seeing Vriska looking in Aranea's direction again, so you look her way as well. The older Serket is busy fiddling around with something in her sapphire blue car. She's seated in the driver's seat, her left leg being the only part of her body not in the car. Since the car belongs to Aranea, you know she was the one driving. You know for a fact that she would never let Rufioh drive her car. They probably would have taken Nitram's larger car, but he wrecked it not even a week ago. 

You spot Equius' head over the top of one of the other cars, a dark blue one, so you don't even bother looking for Nepeta. Their older siblings are chatting it up not too far away, where you can see them more clearly. You are certain you can hear Meulin's voice, even over Porrim's, who is hanging half way out of the car window yelling at another driver who is doing the same. You don't know what the hell you missed and you don't want to find out. 

Your eyes find their way back to Eridan, Sollux and Feferi, who joined them at some point. Feferi is standing on Sollux's left side while Aradia is still stationed at his right. Eridan's hands have stop flailing and are now clenched into fists at his side. Something is said, making Aradia turn towards the three, and Sollux slings his arms over both her's and Feferi's shoulders. Aradia smiles and rolls her eyes, then resumes talking to Tavros. Eridan goes back to yelling and throwing his arms around.

You have yet to see either of the Makara siblings, though you have seen their indigo car parked near Horuss'. Just as you begin to search for them, Kankri slams on the breaks and both you and Kanaya are jerked forward roughly. Kanaya removes her ear buds and gives your brother a look resembling the one you're giving him, though hers is a lot calmer. Kankri and Porrim are glaring at the windshield, so you look that way as well. 

Meenah is standing in front of the car, leaning forward with both of her hands on the hood and that creepy-as-fuck grin plastered across her face. You nearly shutter, but manage to hold it back. Out of the corner of your eye, you see that Kanaya failed to do so. Meenah stands up straight then walks around the car towards Kankri's window, trailing her hand along the shiny red metal as she goes. She stops at the window and waits for your brother to roll it down, and as soon as he does her head is right fucking there.

"C'mon KK, you've been driving around for- _ever_! Let little KK and the Maryams come chill with the rest of us while you park the cherry wagon." She gives him a grin and pats the roof of the car and he responds by leaning as far away as his seat belt will let him.

Kankri sighs. "If that is what they wish to do, then I'm not stopping-" The three of you being piling out of the car before he even finishes his sentence. "-them." He turns around a few times to give all of you an angry look. Meenah backs away from the window and blows Kankri a kiss, which he makes a face at, rolls up his window and drives away. It doesn't take long for the older Peixes to have her arm slung around your shoulder. It's kind of awkward considering how much taller she is.

She throws her free arm into the air. "'Aite, guppies, the party's thata waaaay!" She yells, tugging you towards the area where everyone else is waiting. You shoot a 'save me' look at Kanaya, who just shakes her head.

"I'm already not liking this," You grumble under your breath, crossing your arms. You regret doing so as soon as Meenah leans down to press her cheek to yours.

"Aww, c'mon catfish, don't be that way. Here, I'll even make it my personal mission t' make sure you have a good time, 'kay?" She gives you a large smile and stands up straight again, arm still around you. You whisper and 'oh God', which she doesn't seem to hear. There is no way in _hell_ this is going to be any fun and you have a feeling something disastrous is going to happen before the day is over.


	2. I'm sorry, but it's too late to back out now.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat, I am so sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know what i'm doing

You try to gather your thoughts before reaching the group, but you're finding it hard to think and stumble at the same time. Keeping pace with the older Peixes is proving hard and it's not helping that her legs are thirty-eight miles long. You nearly fall several times but Meenah keeps you on your feet by tightening her awkward grip on your shoulders. Once the four of you are close to the main group, she releases you and prances off to drag Feferi away instead. The younger Peixes attempts to protest, looking like she would much rather stand beside Sollux and watch Eridan rave on about who-knows-what, but Meenah wins and the two girls began speed-walking off in some other direction. You're not sure which direction, as you are currently too busy trying to listen in on Vriska's and Terezi's conversation.

You don't hear a thing. Vriska is talking far too quietly and Terezi is doing more listening than talking. Vriska must have planned most of whatever before she arrived, probably knowing Terezi would agree. Despite the fact Latula was ordered to keep an eye on her at all times (by Aranea), she'll get away with joining Vriska on this mystery quest because Latula probably won't be watching her. The older Pyrope will be busy keeping a firm wall in between Mituna and Cronus and probably Damara too.

There's a nudge on your shoulder, so you turn and find yourself face-to-face with Nepeta. Wow, this trip just keeps getting better, doesn't it? You turn away before she has a chance to say something, not actually saying what you wanted to say because a wild Equius suddenly appeared behind her! You just stick close to Kanaya keep walking.

Looking around again, your eyes find Kurloz's car. Seeing it makes you realize you have yet to see the two of them. Usually Kurloz would be with Meulin or somewhere near Mituna, but he's nowhere to be found. Gamzee would have normally replaced Meenah on your shoulder by now, too, awkward height difference and all. Your worry must have been showing on your face, as Kanaya places a hand on your shoulder and gives you a similar look. "They'll turn up," She reassures you. You give her a simple nod and she removes her hand.

You're not sure when your group of three turned into just you and Kanaya. When the two of you stop to lean against a wall, you begin looking for Porrim, who you find right away, chatting with Latula and Aranea. You notice that Nepeta and Equius returned to their spot beside Horuss' car, Nepeta is wearing a sour face and more than likely doing so because you ignored her. You're somehow not getting and menacing looks from Equius, but it's only a matter of time.

Eridan suddenly storms by, making you jump slightly. Why does everything happen when you're spaced out? A moment later, Meulin appears, right in front of your face. She stares for a short period of time, and you do the same. Once she's had enough of that, she stands up straight and smiles. You brace yourself for some yelling, because it looks like she has something to say. "Kaaaarkit, have you seen Kurloz?" 

You shake your head. "No, have you seen Gamzee?" You question back. Meulin huffs and crosses her arms.

"No! I haven't seen either of them since they first got here!" She shouts, throwing her arms into the air. "Nobody else has seen them either, it's starting to worry me." She's silent for a few moments, then sighs, "Thanks anyway!" Then she's bouncing off to shout into some other poor soul's face. You turn to Kanaya, who has a slight smirk on your face. You glare at her for a few seconds, and as you get ready to ask her what's so funny, she speaks.

"I'm going to assume you didn't catch her calling you 'Karkit'?" She almost gets though the sentence without any kind of laughing, but as soon as she starts to say the word Karkit, all seriousness that wasn't previously there flies out of the window and gets hit by a truck. Not even a small truck, the seriousness gets hit by one of those really big trucks that carry whole houses.

You think for a moment. Yes, thinking back on it, you did catch her calling you by that name, but then she started yelling some more and you forgot to correct her. You groan and bring your hands up to cover your face while Kanaya quietly laughs beside you. You decide to look at the bright side and be thankful she didn't call you Karkitten this time. 

Suddenly there's a bright red speck in the corner of your vision, so you groans louder. You keep you head low and your face in your hands, hoping that Kankri will pass by and assume you're in a bad mood. Which you are. He does pass you, but just barely. He stops to ask Kanaya where Porrim went, Kanaya says last time she saw her sister, she was with Latula and Aranea, but since then the three girls have wondered off. Kankri thanks Kanaya for the information and continues walking. You breathe a sigh of relief, Kanaya slightly shakes her head at you.

There's only a few minutes of actual peace before the Peixes sisters reappear. Meenah quickly stations herself beside you again to announce that everything is set, and the tour through the Winchester Mystery House will begin in about ten minutes. The chatter picks back up and everyone begins moving around from car to car to make sure they have everything they need and don't have anything they're not supposed to have. just from watching the small crowd, you can tell that Aradia is by far the most excited about this entire trip.

Meenah, once again, slings her arm over your shoulders, leaning over so that your faces are level. "Soooo, tiny KK, how's the trip goin' so far, hm?" She asks, and you're almost tempted to be honest with her. But, instead..

"Fine, I guess." You answer shortly. She doesn't ask if anything happened while she was gone that made your attitude change, she just stands up. If she had asked, though, you would have told her that a magical yelling cat demoness appeared and told you to perk up and you didn't question it. You're actually quite upset you didn't get to say that.

The next ten minutes go by pretty quick. Kankri drags you and the Maryams over to the car and you all make sure to leave anything that's not allowed in the house. Your brother locks up the cars and everyone gathers and is ready to get the tour started. Almost, that is. Meulin shouts a "Where are the Makaras?" over everyone's talking and a small search starts. Nobody finds the two boys and everyone agrees to going ahead with the tour. They did agree in hushed and worried voices, however.

All twenty-two of you head over to the house, where a young girl is waiting. She introduces herself as Jade and tells you that she is going to be you guide for the tour. Considering how happy she is, you think that the trip might not be so bad. It almost seems like Jade could make even the most boring things seems exciting, and so far, she's doing a pretty good job. Maybe the day won't be a total disaster after all.

Haha, yeah right, you'll be surprised if half of the group is still with the guide halfway through the tour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ???i still don't know what i'm doing??????
> 
> they'll actually go into the house in the next chapter i promise


	3. Scary Godmother is disappointed with your absence, you can feel it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so, uh, here? sorry for taking so long? i don't know what to say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's this
> 
> it's only 1115 words long sorry 'bout that :c

You more or less tune Jade out while she's listing the house rules to your group. You figured that as long as you keep your arms crossed and mouth shut, you shouldn't break any rules. Arms crossed, mouth closed, keep close to the guide. Done. Oor not, Meenah is yanking you back to stand with her again. Dammit. Arms crossed, mouth closed, keep your _eyes_ on the guide. That'll have to do.

Jade turns everyone's attention to a photo, of who you're assuming is Mrs. Winchester. She tells you about how the photograph came to be, but you're barely listening. Unaware of the photographer, huh? She looks kind of like she was posing, to you at least, but you decide against pointing it out. No reason to make your stay here any longer than necessary. There's a loud _"What the fuck?!"_ , so everyone turns to look at the source of _that_ , instead of the photo.

Vriska is staring at a wall. She had opened a door, tired to step through it, and ran into a wall. Or at least you think that's what happened, since she's got her hand over her forehead. Jade rushes over to scold the angry blonde, who looks one hundred percent annoyed with her discovery. Once Jade finishes up her lecture, she claps her hands together, yells "Alright! Let's keep going then!", but instead of moving on to another room like your were expecting, she walks over to a tiny door.

As Jade tells everyone about the door, Meenah nudges your side. Her voices is just a whisper when she leans in and speaks into your ear. "Betchu could fit through that," You turn slightly to glare at her, she gives you one of her shark-grins in return. She leans in again. You sigh, dreading what she has to say this time. "Also Aranea told me there's a staircase above th'door that's mega steep," She stands up straight and pretends she's listening to the guide. You... weren't expecting any commentary about the _house_ from Meenah. You were expecting more comments like her first one. 

Then again, the tour _just_ started.

Jade calls everyone together and announces that it's time to start moving. Everyone quickly gathers behind her as she begins leading you through the house. You would still rather be a home, eating candy and watching _Scary Godmother._

You must have spaced out at the though, and you nearly fall onto your ass when Meenah wraps her hand around your upper arm and pulls you back. You turn to scowl at her, but find she's pointing forward. You follow her gaze and, well what do you know, those stairs go _nowhere_. They actually just stop at the ceiling. You furrow your eyebrows at the sight and Meenah laughs. "Didn't want ya t'miss it, nubby, now c'mon there's shiny stuff in the next room!" You grins and pulls you after the rest of the group.

Holy _fuck_ , she was right. There's a ton of shiny stuff, mostly stained glass, and wow it's actually really pretty. Jade points out a blue and yellow stained glass window, being sure to mention the thirteen blue and amber stone scattered across the window. They looked to be caught in the spider web pattern covering the window. You hear your guide saying something about the number thirteen, and what it meant to Mrs. Winchester, but you aren't paying much attention. You just continue flicking your gaze across all of the glass within the case.

You look away just as Jade is scooting back through your group after getting Meulin's attention. She says it's time to move on, and everyone follows her at once. You're genuinely surprised. _Everyone is still here, holy shit._

Meenah nudges you again, whispering "Check this out," just as you reach the most ridiculous staircase you have _ever_ seen. And you just saw some that led to the ceiling. You're actually fighting the urge to laugh as your group ascends the stairs. You hear Nepeta and Meulin giggling together from somewhere in the center of the group, so at least you're not the only one.

You and Meenah (you're still stuck with her) are the last two to reach the next room, which is extremely boring. You're told that it's just a stop since it takes some time for large groups of people to climb those stairs (she calls them Goofies, which you find hilarious, but don't let it show). Right away, you see Aradia dragging Sollux around the room, whispering excitedly while Sollux just nods and let her guide him around. Ghosts, you remind yourself, she's looking for ghosts.

Jade gathers everyone once again to lead you through a few stupidly long hallways(this place is a fucking maze, damn), more of those stupid tiny-stairs, which are stupidly difficult to walk _down_ , this is dumb, and then finally into the next room.

You're led to a bathroom (the _thirteenth_ bathroom). "Omfg," You hear Meenah whisper next to you. You don't care what she's looking at, _why did she actually have to_ say _that?_ "Nubby, lookit this." You sigh quietly and turn to find her studying the shower. Okay then. She points out the strange controls and thermometer, which you make a face at just as Jade starts calling everyone together again. As you're leaving, you notice that Vriska and Terezi have taken up residence at the back of the group, behind Meenah and yourself. Welp.

Jade leads everyone up yet another set of goofies, this set being way longer than the others. Just when you think they're over, Jade rounds a corner and begin heading down another set of them. Damn. 

You hear the word 'deadroom' when you stop, which catches you attention. Jade informs everyone that you've reaches the Main Bedroom, a.k.a the room where Mrs. Winchester died. It's really pretty compared to, oh, all of the other rooms you've seen so far. The room is roped off, and as soon as you notice this, one of them moves. You turn to find Vriska gliding her hand along one of them. You scowl and turn away when you notice the mischievous look in her eyes. 

Jade finishes up her story and gathers everyone, yet again, and begins heading to the next room. You hear her say 'Séance Room' as you're leaving. As you enter the, surprisingly small, white and blue room, you notice that Vriska and Terezi didn't step in behind you and Meenah. You groan and shake your head, which luckily Meenah doesn't notice. You're not going to bother with pointing out their absence, you actually want to see how long it takes Aranea to notice they're gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp there they went
> 
> also?? my tumblr is karkatmeenah (coughcough) so if you wanna ask about something go ahead! my internet access is kind of wishy-washy so sorry ahead of time if it takes a little bit for me to answer you uvu
> 
> also!! i've never been to the house myself so i'm just going with everything i read on a site that isn't there anymore??? which sucks b/c there's still some stuff i need to know, like the route of the tour from the seance room and beyond .///.
> 
> (my kitten was clawing at my arm the entire time i was writing this, my arm looks like a war zone)


	4. interest check

hey! i know its been 3 years since i last updated this (oops?) but im sort of interested in writing on it some more??

so this is an interest check! could anyone that still wants to read this please comment, maybe?

uh, ill be sure not to wait 3 years between updates if i do start this back up, i promise!

please and thank you!!


End file.
